My New Obsession
by JewyCenter
Summary: Misaki is beginning to lose confidence in himself. He sinks down so low as to gather a few new bad habits. (Eating Disorder - Trigger Warning)
1. Chapter 1: Mirrors

_**I don't even know if I'm going to post this, if I do... Do not leave/send me comments or PM's saying "If you're going to write about a touchy subject, at least do it right.". I know what I'm talking about. Don't like, don't read. Trigger warning...**_

 **MISAKI POV**

Usagi was in his office working on a new novel, I could hear the loud clicking of the keys that came from his laptops keyboard. I was in the bedroom currently looking in the mirror. It was late at night, it was a Saturday so I didn't need to worry about school right now.

Recently, the semi high confidence I once had in myself lowered significantly. I can't pass a mirror without taking a short glance at my self. I used to see a happy, young, 19 year old male. That male had a beautiful place to stay, a not-so-great-but-could-be-worse reputation at school, and most importantly... A gorgeous lover who would die for him any day.

Now all I see is a boy who's repulsive, worthless, and a failure at everything. I took off my navy blue tee shirt and faced the mirror. It was still too much, I took of my shorts as well. This left me standing in only my teal underwear and socks.

 _Hideous, fat, disgusting, ugly, worthless.._. Those were all the words flowing through my mind as I looked at my reflection in the semi dark bedroom. The only light that entered was seeping in through the hallway. I lifted up my hands and started to touch my stomach.

My fingers sunk into the fleshy fat that I called my body. I held up one wrist and attempted to wrap my pointer and thumb around it. The two fingers touched, but not enough.

My eyes then traveled down to my legs. I also tried to wrap two hands around one thigh, my thumbs were a good 3 inches away from touching. I walked closer to the mirror for a closer inspection. My collar bones stuck out, but they weren't prominent enough. My hip bones also stuck out, only very little though.

I eyeballed my entire body up and down until I couldn't take it anymore. I laid my head in my two fat hands. I fell back and sat on the edge of the bed, I started to sob quietly. Hot tears were flowing down my face. My voice accidentally hiccuped, I was scared Usagi-San had heard.

I stayed as quiet as I could for a few seconds, listening for any sounds. Then I heard it, loud footsteps from the hallway. He was coming to the room. _Shit_... I cursed inside my head. I flopped onto my side of the bed, shielding my face from the door.

"Misaki?" Usagi-San spoke softly, I could hear the worry in his voice.

"Yeah...?" I mumbled into the sheets, but loud enough to be heard.

"I thought I heard crying, was that you?" He started walking closer towards me. Once I felt that my eyes were dried off enough from the sheet, I looked up at the man. His violet eyes only held concern as he sat on the side of the bed, hand on the small of my back.

"Me? Hahah, Im fine. You were probably just hearing things." I forced a laugh. Usagi didn't seem to buy it...

 **USAGI POV**

I was grumpy. I really didn't want to be writing right now. It was late, I just wanted to spend time with my Misaki. He was in the bedroom, probably getting ready for bed. I've been in this office for over 25 minutes now, I was sick of this.

I stopped typing and leaned back in the office chair as it squeaked. I heard a sniffle followed by a hiccup suddenly come from down the hall. _Was Misaki crying_..? My over protective side kicked in full fledge and I started to quickly walk towards the bedroom.

I heard shuffling before I came in, I peered inside once I got to the room. Misaki was laying down, face flat on the bed.

"Misaki?" I wondered if he was awake.

I heard a small "yeah" come from the boy, his voice sounded strained. This made me upset.

"I thought I heard crying, was that you?" I asked. I sat right next to him on the bed, rubbing his back soothingly. He looked up at me and smiled, denying what I clearly heard. He forced a laugh, I know what that sounds like.

I looked down at the spot where his face laid, I could see a darkened spot on the white sheets.

 _He was crying... But why?_ I knew that no matter what I said Misaki would deny everything. I just wrapped my arms around him and pulled him to my chest. I kissed his forehead gently.

"You would tell me if anything was wrong, right, Misaki?"

I felt a small nod under my chin. Although I was a little skeptical, I let this one slide for now.


	2. Chapter 2: Searching the Web

_**Thank you all for the love you guys are giving this story. I appreciate it greatly.**_

 _ **EDITED 8/31/15 Typos fixed.**_

 **MISAKI POV**

Sunlight seeped through the balcony doors, awakening me with a groan. I lifted my arms up above my head, stretching with tight fists. I looked over and realized that Usagi wasn't next to me.

I sat up and let my quiet surroundings sink in. I went to grab my cellphone sitting on the bedside table, I was starting to get curious about where Usagi had gone. My phone was placed on top of a piece of paper.

 _Morning_ _Misaki,_

 _Aikawa has dragged me out of the house once again._

 _I'm sorry for leaving before you woke up._

 _I already ate so don't worry about making breakfast for me._

 _I'll be back around 1 o'clock, please feel better._

 _I love you..._

 _\- Akihiko_

 _I love you too Usagi-San_. I thought as my heart started to beat faster. I kissed the paper and set it back down. The dim light of my phone read 11:05 AM, I sighed. _Did I really sleep in that long...?_

I began my morning routine, getting ready for the day. I opened my bedrooms dresser drawers, looking for some clothes. I only had school clothes inside. Walking back to the master bedroom, I opened Usagi-Sans closets. I pulled down his long sleeve, navy blue shirt.

It hung off my shoulders loosely, the sleeves were at least 4 inches longer than my hands, the bottom also came down mid thigh. _This'll do, I guess..._

I sat back down on the bed. _What am I supposed to do until 1?_ I thought. I had no homework, I didn't want to bother any of my friends, I had absolutely nothing to do.

I lifted my self up and walked towards Usagi's office. His laptop was sitting on the wooden desk. _I'm allowed, right_? I stared at the closed device before sitting down on the cushiony roller chair.

I opened it slowly, for some reason feeling guilty about this. It was just a computer though, there's nothing to be guilty about. The first page that popped up was the homepage of Google.

Memories of last night started to flood my head. I started to type into the search bar.

"How to loose weight fast?" I clicked enter. The first few options were videos leading me to YouTube. I clicked on the first one labeled ' **Simple Weight Loss Plan**!'. The video showed a teenage girl sitting in her bedroom.

"Hey guys! Today I'm going to be showing you a few tips on how to lose weight. Our goul is to become healthy and fit. No matter what, do not starve yourself-"

I paused the video. Starve myself... I chose to ignore her warning. I closed the video and started to type into the search bar once again.

"Starving yourself"

...

I looked at the small clock in the bottom right corner of the screen. It was already 12:57... Wait, Usagi-San is going to be here any minute. I quickly exited out of the multiple tabs I had and ran out of the office. As soon as that door shut, the front door opened.

 **USAGI POV**

"Misaki?" I yelled as soon as I entered the large apartment. Misaki started to come down the stairs, my eyes traveled all over him. He was wearing my shirt... And God damn did he look sexy.

"Welcome home, Usagi-San." Misaki welcomed as he got closer and closer. I opened my arms, motioning for a hug. Surprisingly, he gave in right away. I kissed the top of his head.

"You look adorable, Misaki." I could feel his laughing breaths on my chest.

"Did you eat?" I asked him before ruffling his soft hair.

He looked up at me, staying silent for a few seconds before he finally answered my question.

"Mhm..."

"What did you eat?"

"...Rice."

"Alright." I smiled, knowing that my kitten was well and fed.

Misaki walked over to the couch and plopped down. He peered over the top of the couch, staring at me with his green doe eyes. I continued to stare at him before he held his arms out in a grabbing motion. I slowly walked to the other side of the couch and sat down next to him. His head laid gently on my lap.

It was a little strange, seeing how willing he was being right now. Enjoying it while I could, I started to play with his dark brown locks. I felt him snuggle deeper into my lap, his eyes closing quickly after.

My heart fluttered, these were one of the moments that I stored into my brains memory box to look back on. We stayed like that for awhile before I remembered I had to email a document to Aikawa.

"I'll be right back, Misaki. I have to go send an email very quick.

He nodded slowly in response.

Walking into my office, I saw the laptop was open. I swear I left it closed yesterday?

I suspiciously sat down and wiggled the mouse around, waking up the screen. I only saw my wallpaper of Misaki and I with our snowmen that we had made together. _I guess I did leave it open..._


	3. Chapter 3: Diary

_**Thank you so much for the reviews. It really means a lot to me :)**_

 _ **I also kind of forgot to mention this before... But I don't condone anything in this story. Just to make it clear.**_

 **MISAKI POV**

As Usagi-San left, I laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling, thinking of all the new things I had learned.

While I was on the computer just minutes before, I had found some really interesting things. I was looking at pro-Ana websites, something called 'thinspo', and the effects of anorexia.

I wrote down tips and tricks in a small notebook, I now called it my diary. I was determined to write in it almost everyday. I wrote my first entry in the middle of my research, I weighed and measured my self in the bathroom.

 _ **Dear Diary,**_

 _ **I'm Misaki, that's all I am.**_

 _ **I found a really good way to lose all this weight.**_

 _ **I'm going to progressively eat less and less,**_

 _ **I can't just stop: cold turkey. That'd be torture.**_

 _ **Current H: 5'4**_

 _ **Current W: 117 lbs.**_

 _ **Waist: 23 in.**_

 _ **My goal is below 105 lbs, maybe Usagi-San would like me even more if I was actually attractive? :)**_

I hid the diary underneath the bed on my side. It was small, I was positive that no one would find it. Usagi-San is on his computer right now s-

" ...I forgot to clear the history." I whispered in defeat.

 **USAGI POV**

Emails were sent back and forth between Aikawa and I. My current book's setting took place in San Francisco, which I had no knowledge of. Some research had to be done before I could start anything.

I quickly opened Google, this would only take a second to get done thankfully. I typed the letter S and a recent search had popped up.

"S...tarving Yourself?" I said aloud to no one in particular. Did Misaki search this up? I opened the browser history, too many thoughts were swimming through my head. I was starting to get a little anxious.

I saw words like Pro-Ana, thinspo, and anorexia. I didn't really know much about any of that stuff. I'm sure it was just for a health project or something... Right? Misaki's perfect.

I cleared the history and went back to doing my research. Something didn't feel right, but I ignored it.

 **MISAKI POV**

 _ **Dear Diary,**_

 _ **Fuck! I forgot to clear the history**_

 _ **on Usagi-Sans computer...**_

 _ **I'm hoping and praying that he doesn't**_

 _ **see anything. Wish me luck.**_

...

It was 6 o'clock, meaning it was time to make dinner. I prepared curry with some miso soup on the side. I gave my self smaller proportions than usual. After setting the table, I yelled for Usagi-San. As of on cue, he came walking down the stairs and sat down.

"Thanks for the meal." He said before he started to dig in. I nodded before I unwillingly started to shovel food in my mouth. I looked up and saw Usagi was staring at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, nervous couldn't even begin to describe what I was feeling.

"I saw some things on my computer... Was that stuff for a school project?" He asked, I could hear worry in his tone. He wanted me to reassure him that everything was okay.

"Um, yeah! I knew nothing about it and needed to do some research..." All I was hoping was for was that he'd believe me. My major is economics, therefore that _health_ project wouldn't really make any sense. Anything to ease his worry though.

Out of the corner of my eye I could still see his constant stare. I sighed in defeat and started to eat tons, I could fix it later so it was fine. When my plate was empty I lifted my self and gently put it in the sink, not bothering to wash it. I quickly made my way to the bathroom.

"Misaki, are you okay?" I heard Usagi-San's voice from below me, I was already at the top of the stairs.

"Yep! I just really have to go to the bathroom." I said right before I closed the door.

 _Bulimia... A serious eating disorder marked by binging, followed by methods to avoid weight gain._ The definition was on repeat inside my head. I got on my knees and lifted the toilet seat.

I took a deep breath and just stared for a moment... _I'm really doing this_. I slowly brought my fingers to my mouth. Taking one last gulp of air, I shoved my fingers down my throat. Instantly, I felt the movement of bile coming up, I haven't thrown up in a while. I was hoping to be a silent puker... Unfortunately I wasn't. As heavy vomit made it's way into the toilet it splashed noisily. I gagged and coughed every time my throat wasn't clogged.

Heavy footsteps pounded up the stairs. The bathroom door was thrown open and I felt Usagi-San's hand rub small circles on my back. Once my dinner was all gone and into the toilet, I laid my head on the seat. I didn't care how unsanitary it was, I felt absolutely horrible. Usagi-San did care though, he grabbed me and pulled me into his lap as he sat against the bathroom wall. I leaned against his chest, I could feel his erratic heartbeat sync up with mine.

He pulled a towel down from the rack to the left of him and gently wiped the sweat off my forehead, as well as the vomit on my lips. He threw the towel to the side and used his other hand to rub my stomach, attempting to calm it. I let out a small squeak of discomfort, I didn't think it would be that bad...

We sat there for a few minutes, the both of us trying to calm down. The only sound you could hear was my harsh panting and the shuffling of cloth against skin.

"...Are you okay?" Usagi whispered into my left ear.

"Mmff..." I was trying to say 'mhm' but was too weak to say it correctly.


	4. Chapter 4: The Voice

**I don't know what type of eating disorder Misaki should have so I'm giving him a little taste of** **almost** **everything... Sorry bout' that.**

 ****WARNING: SLIGHT LANGUAGE****

 **Usamisaftw: Is it weird I found and stalked you on Tumblr. Psh, no.**

 **AngelofAnarchy: Your self confidence is beautiful! I'm Hispanic too! ...half.**

 **GothicNinjaKitty: I literally just used all my body info. Misaki and I are the same height, I don't know wtf you're supposed to weigh at 5'4.**

 **USAGI POV**

Misaki was in bed now, he threw up just minutes before. I wasn't expecting any of tonight's events... He was fine one moment and vomiting his guts out the next. It wasn't food poisoning, I'm perfectly fine. Whatever it was didn't matter at the moment, I sat with him all night, trying making his slumber as comfortable as possible.

...

I felt a stirring on top of my stomach. I opened my eyes and adjusted them to the bright room. I looked down and saw Misaki's sleeping face nuzzling into me. I gently raised my left hand and stroked his hair, the soft feeling of his chocolate locks caressed my finger tips. His eyes started to flutter open, his gorgeous green orbs looked straight into mine. I smiled softly at him and whispered hoarsely.

"Good morning, are you feeling better?"

He nodded his head with a yawn, once he appeared fully awake a look of disgust took over his tan features. He jolted up and continued to stumble off the bed and into the bathroom. Worried, I followed close behind. He whipped out his tooth brush and squeezed a more than generous amount of tooth paste on the synthetic bristles.

I chuckled softly into my hand and continued to watch him scrub his tongue as I leaned against the wall.

 **MISAKI POV**

As soon as I opened my eyes a blurry Usagi-San was right in front of me. He gave me a gentle good morning before asking how I was feeling. I nodded, it wasn't like I was sick or anything... I brought it onto my self really. But I spoke too soon, nausea hit me once more as the taste of leftover acid emitted from my tongue.

Stumbling to the bathroom I brushed my teeth longer than needed, I could see Usagi chuckle from behind in the mirror. I was focused more on getting rid of this foul taste than his amusement right now. Once finished, I threw my tooth brush back in it's silver holder.

"Oh god... That was putrid." I muttered to no one in particular.

I looked back at the mirror in front of me and studied my reflection. Nothing has changed yet... Usagi-San's face suddenly came into focus in the mirror as well. He stared at me curiously as I eyeballed my entire upper half. I turned around to face him before weakly asking him to step out for a moment.

"Uhm... Usagi-San? Can I have just a minute alone in here, please?"

He observed me once more before nodding in defeat, he stepped out and closed the door behind him. Listening intently, I waited till I was sure he was gone. I opened the bottom sink cabinets and whipped out a clear glass scale.

 _115 lbs_ it read.. That meant nothing, it's all water weight that could be gained back from one small bowl of cereal. I sighed miserably and continued to stare down at the numbers on the little machine that controlled my life.

 _Stupid fucking fat piece of shit..._ A small voice in the back of my mind startled me.

 _You're worthless, you can't do anything right. And to top it off, you look like a monster. Look... Look in the mirror._

I obeyed the small voice and faced the mirror. Light but visible bags were starting to form under my eyes, my messy hair looked like a rats nest... My eyes trailed lower to my torso. My collarbones were pitiful, and my ribs couldn't be seen in the slightest. I turned my body to get a side view. My stomach wasn't flat, it stuck out near the bottom in a disgusting manner.

My emerald eyes started to glisten more and more every time I blinked. A sound was about to escape my throat before a knock was heard from the bathroom door.

"Misaki? You've been in there for a while now, is everything alright?"

Usagi's fearful voice was heard from behind the door. I picked up the scale and threw it back under the sink, I wiped my eyes and smacked my cheeks to waken me up.

Opening the closed door I was met with Usagi's concerned face. It made me happy but also upset that he was worried about me. _I'm causing him trouble again..._

I made my way through him and started to walk down the stairs. The sight I was met with made my stomach drop. Nothing was cleaned up last night, therefore plates and bowls full of cold food were still sitting on the table. The heavy smell of Japanese cuisine filled the whole bottom floor. I sighed heavily as I trudged down the steps. Today was clean up day, not what I was planning for my Sunday but I guess things change.

 **USAGI POV**

I followed Misaki down the stairs, he froze mid step and observed his surroundings. I saw his shoulders slump with a sigh. I immediately felt bad for not cleaning up last night but I was too busy taking care of him. I watched him dig in a few bottom cabinets before he was equipped with gloves, bags, and spray. He looked like a super hero-maid hybrid of some sort.

I walked closer to him and repeated his actions, getting my own pair of gloves and a trash bag.

"What are you doing?" I heard his painfully obvious tired voice speak up. His eyes were staring at the plastic gloves I was pulling over my hands.

"I'm helping you clean up." I replied bored.

"Why? " he questioned, "It's my fault this place is a mess." He spoke as he started to throw away rotting food. I walked over and kissed him on the forehead before shoveling food into my bag as well. That was the only response I gave him.

 **MISAKI POV**

I was partially happy to do this... It was early in the morning which meant breakfast time. Exposing your self to repulsive things can cause a loss of appetite, hopefully this was a good excuse to skip breakfast.

...

The first floor was now spotless, I'm sure Usagi-San cut the time in half by helping. Which I was actually very grateful for. Washing my hands hard, I started to prepare breakfast for Usagi. I was only making a simple bowl of rice with eggs on the side.

I sat out his breakfast on the table and motioned for him to sit down. His eyes glanced from his side of the table to mine.

"You're not eating?" He asked.

"Cleaning made me lose my appetite. I'll eat later, don't worry."

"As long as you eat something." He smiled, making my heart flutter.

 _Don't kid yourself... He's lying to you. He'd rather you starve to death, face the facts. If you eat today you'll become fat. Your precious Usagi-San would hate you even more if you somehow became even more repulsive than you already are. I'm the only one who can save you, Misaki... Listen to me and only me._

The voice wouldn't shut up, it hurt.


	5. Chapter 5: Multiple Suspicions

**Usamisaftw: It's a beautiful blog *.***

 **SasukeIsBadass: I know :'(**

 **DonutsLover: Thank you :)**

 **EternalHappiness: Thankshh ;D**

 **LonelySword: Thank ya :B**

 **I ate like 50 prunes today, I don't recommend it btw.**

 **I also got a haircut, yay \\( ._.)/**

 **Dude, that was like some shit poetry right there. ^**

 **MISAKI POV**

 _Dear Diary,_

 _It's been a week since I last ate anything._

 _I've come up with some pretty good excuses._

 _Usagi-San is starting to get a little curious,_

 _I can tell._

 _I barely have any energy and it sucks._

 _Beauty is pain though..._

 _Right?_

I closed the diary with a sigh. I reached under the bed and put the book back in it's place. I fell back on the bed with wide arms and stared at the dark ceiling. Usagi-San was in the shower next connected to the bedroom.

My mood suddenly swung, I was fine one moment and upset the next. My eyes stared into nothing as my mind began to wander . Usagi was the most important thing in my life right now, I would never purposely hurt him or upset him. If he ever found out what I was doing would it burden him...?

 _You're burdening him by staying the way you are now._

I brought my hands to my face and just rubbed at it. I heard the shower turn off, Usagi stepped into the bedroom in seconds with a towel around his waist and steam pouring in from behind. He looked over at me with a small smile before he began pulling clothes from his closet. I took my hands away from my face before looking over at him. He pulled a navy tee-shirt over his torso, he slipped on a pair of plain grey boxers after dropping his towel.

 **USAGI POV**

After putting on clothes I walked over to the kind sized bed. Misaki was sprawled out on the entire bed, his face showing no emotion. I leaned over him, planting a kiss on his slightly open lips. My eyes opened wide when I felt him kiss back, he brought his arms around my neck and pulled me closer.

I put my hands behind his head and pulled him even closer. My heart jumped when I felt his little warm tongue touch my bottom lip. I brought my tongue out and began to feel his, signaling him that it was okay. He pushed his further into my mouth with a sigh. Our tongues intertwined and swirled around each other's before we pulled apart with panting breath.

Misaki's eyes were closed, his cheeks flushed, and lips bruised red. He looked exhausted but satisfied at the same time. His head fell to the side before letting out small whine.

"Misaki, are you okay?"

Misaki nodded, my concern didn't fade. I brought my face into the crook of his neck and relaxed myself. He didn't look like he wanted to continue, it didn't look like he _could_ continue. In the midst of my thinking I heard his breathing slow down to a deep steady pace. I lifted my head to see that he'd fallen asleep. His usually peaceful sleeping face didn't look the same. His eyebrows look permanently turned upwards in worry.

...Something isn't right. He didn't do anything today, he shouldn't have so much fatigue. I brushed it off and simply rolled off of him. I pulled him to my chest and held him with love clear in my movements.

...

 **MISAKI POV**

I woke up tangled in Usagi's embrace. I carefully retracted myself from his grasp and made my way to my own room. My first class started at 9:30, I had 40 minutes to make breakfast and get dressed.

Searching through my closet, I found an oversized beige sweater and a pair of skinny jeans. I quickly paced down the stairs beginning to preparing Usagi's meal. I laid out a bowl of white rice, and a plate containing a single omelette. My eyes traveled to Usagi's door as it opened gently. Out came a grumbling and disheveled man, as if he were hungover.

Wobbling down the stairs, he walked around the kitchen counter to pour himself a cup of coffee. I watched him reach for a mug with the word _~ HOT ~_ written on it in permanent marker. He poured the already prepared coffee cooling in the pot. Making his way over to the table he abruptly stopped.

"Where's your breakfast?" He asked.

"I already ate," the lies easily slid through my teeth.

Usagi-San peered behind over his shoulder. "There aren't any dishes in the sink."

My gaze fell upon the empty steel sink. "...I cleaned them already."

Usagi stared into my eyes with a frown. My eyes didn't meet his, I awkwardly rubbed my bicep. "I'll still sit with you," I sat down in my chair across from the older man. "I have nothing else to do anyway."

He nodded once before sitting down in front of the breakfast laid out.

"You look cute today, Misaki."

"T-thank you..." I blushed, playing with the hem of my sweater. A buzz came from my bookbag, I shuffled over to fetch it.

 _:: Sumi: Want to walk together? I can meet u up at the book store on the corner of your street_ ::

I smiled gently in reply to the caring message.

 _:: Sure :) ::_

"Usagi-San, I'm walking with Sumi-Senpai to school today. Is that okay?"

He was silent before finally answering. "... I guess."

"Thank you, I'm heading out now then. I'll see you at 12," I put on shoes and swung my book bag over my shoulder. "Buh bye" I smiled.

Usagi jumped up from his seat and sped over to the where I was standing. He gave me a peck on the lips before wishing me farewell. I nodded and left, shutting the door as gently as I could.

 _...Lunch Time at Da School..._

"You're not eating anything?" Sumi asked before his mouth was stuffed with noodles.

I shook my head in reply as I downed my water bottle. I saw Sumi make some configuration of a frown at me. "You're looking thinner, ya know... Is something that I should know about going on?"

I only shook my head again. His frown deepened as he just continued with his lunch.

...

"Usagi-San, I'm home!" I yelled into the spacious room as I walked through the door. I through bag on the floor in a corner and flicked my shoes off. I walked over to the couch and collapsed face first. Usagi came down the stairs as soon as I laid down, his footsteps got louder until he kneeled down leveled with my covered face.

His unexpectedly warm hand stroked my hair. "You okay?" He asked quietly.

"Mhm..." I lied.

"Misaki."

I turned my head towards him and saw the worry in his usually calm eyes.

"I'm just a little nauseous and tired is all. Don't worry about me, I'm fine."

"Was it something you ate? What did you have for lunch?"

"I, uhm... Just some.. Noodles and rice."

Usagi's face didn't look very convinced.

"You've been acting strange lately, I'm starting to worry about you."

 **USAGI POV**

As soon as I mentioned my concern towards him his eyes instantly looked glossy.

"I'm fine, I promise." Misaki answered back.

I kissed his nose gently. "You know, whatever you're hiding I'm going to find out sooner or later, Misaki."

He sighed before he closed his eyes, he rolled over and faced the back of the couch. I sighed as well at how difficult he was being at the moment. I squeezed his shoulder before getting up and heading back upstairs to do some research. I needed to get to the bottom of this.


	6. Chapter 6: Losing Control

**Usamisaftw** : Remember... #Misaki_Takahiro ;D IM SORRY I REALLY LIKE YOU. YOURE COOL. D':

 **Kreighforce** : Glad you enjoyed it :)

 **Everyone else** : I UPDATED.

 **I can only write when I'm sad or the chapter turns out like shit. XD You can tell, the last chapter I wrote during the day and I was excited. Therefore it wasn't dark and depressing.**

 **USAGI POV**

I didn't know how to start my research. He seemed a little sad and distant, the only thing that I could come up with was Depression. I was sure Misaki wasn't depressed, I don't know anything about these teenage problems...

I leaned back in my computer chair and sighed. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong...? An idea suddenly popped into my head. I ran down the stairs and fretfully grabbed the telephone. Before continuing anything I looked over at the couch,vthankfully Misaki appeared to be sleeping. Dialing the number I waited impatiently as the phone buzzed into my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hiroki, I need help. Is your boyfriend there?"

"Nowaki? He's here... Why?"

"Please just give him the phone this is important."

I heard Hiroki sigh before handing his boyfriend the phone. I knew Nowaki wasn't _too_ fond of me. I didn't care about that at the moment.

"Hello, Usami-San. What can I help you with?"

"Hello, Nowaki. If I gave you a list of symptoms would you be able to diagnose someone?"

"Mmm... I'll try. Who is this for if I may ask?"

"Misaki, he's been acting strange lately and he won't tell me what's wrong. I can't tell if this is just a phase or if something is actually wrong, I'm starting to get really worried."

"Don't worry, Usami-San. We'll figure this out. Tell me what's been happening."

"Ever since a few days ago he's been acting distant. He always looks sad and on the verge of tears when I start to pry. We haven't eaten a meal together in a while, we sit together but he says he already ate first. He looks thinner, maybe it's from stress or not eating as much? I just don't know what to do to help him."

My voice sounded stressed and pitiful as I finished, I was stressed. I constantly worried about Misaki no matter what was happening. His recent behavior has sent my worry through the roof. I was glad to have Nowaki listen to my rant without judging.

"I see... It does hint a little at depression, but his eating habits catch my attention. Usami-San, I think we need to have a group discussion so I can see Takahashi-Kun's behavior for myself. We could also see he'll open up just a little bit more. "

"You can come over to my apartment, I'll meet you halfway. I'm sure Hiroki can tell you the directions."

"Sounds like a plan, I'll leave in 30 minutes. I'll see you soon, goodbye."

I placed the phone on the receiver and grabbed my jacket off the nearby hook. I was going to buy a pack of cigarettes before meeting up. Throwing on a pair of dress shoes I opened the door to leave before stopping. I looked over to the couch where a sleeping Misaki layed peacefully. I didn't want to wake him up so I whispered a goodbye before walking out the door.

 **NOWAKI POV**

"Hiro-San, I'm going to meet Usami in 30 minutes, I just need to get ready. Hopefully it won't take too long, is that okay?"

"Huh? Why?" Hiroki scoffed.

"We need to talk about Takahashi-Kun, he's been acting strange lately."

"Takahashi? What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know... I'll see what I can do once I get there."

 **MISAKI POV**

I heard Usagi-San's voice communicating on the phone, I couldn't hear the other person. I'm guessing he thought I was sleeping. _Why can't you just let me be!? If I tell you I'm fine just believe me!_ As soon as the door shut I threw myself off the couch and headed to the upstairs bathroom. I pulled out the scale and measuring tape. I undressed from my school clothes, tossing them to the side.

Stepping on the scale I waited till the numbers steadied... _112_.

 _Are you kidding me? That's the best you could do after all this? You're pathetic._

The voices' words have gotten harsher as the days went by. I grabbed the measuring tape and quickly went around my waist, thigh, and bicep. My head was spinning with numbers of all kinds... Inches, pounds, calories, centimeters..

I threw the tape across the room, the smack of plastic against the wall echoed through the room. The numbers only got louder and louder.

"STOP! Please just stop! I can't fucking take this anymore!"

I fell to my knees and cradled my head in my hands, I started to rock back and forth as sobs started to escape my throat. I placed my hands on either side of my head, shaking it back and forth. Gasps, cries, and sniffles filled the room.

"The numbers, the voice, the ideas.. Just make them all stop!" I screamed miserably into the empty penthouse. I pushed my self off the ground and leaned against the sink, I looked into the mirror at my self. I was a mess.

"Y-you... You're _**worthless**_! A _**pathetic**_ _**abomination**_! _**Fat**_! _**H**_ _-_ _ **Hideous**_! I banged my fist on the mirror, a heart breaking scream left my throat as I stared into my reflection...

 **USAGI POV**

I shook Nowaki's hand when I met him in front of Misaki's school.

"Misaki is home now?"

I nodded in response.

"Let's make our way over there then."

"Okay," I said as we started to walk towards my home.

...

Making our way inside, we got into the elevator and got to the top floor. As I put in the entry code a shatter got both of our attention. I gasped as I hit enter and ran into the penthouse.

"Misaki!?"

 **MISAKI POV**

...

"Misaki!"

 _Uh oh..._ I heard Usagi-San yell, the front door closing right after. My breath caught in my throat and my stomach dropped.

"Y-yes!?"

Snapping back into reality, I looked at the mess around me and gasped silently. There were glass pieces scattered on the floor from the punch I threw at it. My fist, thankfully, was only scratched vey lightly. My clothes were scattered all around me and the scale was still in the middle of the floor. As soon as I heard... Multiple? Footsteps coming towards the bathroom I quickly started to throw my clothes back on my body and the scale back under the sink. I reached over and locked the door.

"Are you okay, Misaki? I heard a shatter, was that you?" I heard from behind the wooden door.

"I um... Closed the mirror cabinet too hard and it accidentally broke. I'm sorry, Usagi-San, I'll buy another one. "

I saw the door handle start to move up and down, staring blankly at it for a few seconds, I unlocked it. When it flung open, I saw Usagi-San and another black haired man standing next to him with a worried expression on his pale features.

Usagi eyeballed me and looked at the shattered mirror on the swaying on the wall. He came closer and quickly inspected my hands, arms, and face. "Are you hurt any where? Did any glass cut you?" His voice was full of concern as he spoke frantically.

I shook my head. The older man then pulled me out of the bathroom and off to the side in the hallway. The black haired man, which I recognized as the flower shop man, stayed behind.

 **NOWAKI POV**

I watched Usami-San pull the boy away. I stayed back and continued to look around the bathroom. Walking inside, I headed towards the open mirror cabinet and took a closer look. There was a circled shaped chunk missing from the center with multiple cracks leading to it. This pattern wouldn't of happened from a simple slam, this could of only been made if Takahashi-Kun had physically smashed it... I looked to my left and saw a small plastic object laying in the center of the stand up shower. I bent down and picked it up. Upon closer inspection, the object turned out to be a small measuring tape.

I peeked into the hallway where the man was holding the younger one. His eyes were a little pink and his cheeks slightly flushed, as if he had been crying.

 _Misaki..._


	7. Chapter 7: Unwanted Company

I went back and read previous chapters... God dang I didn't know I had so many typos! I always read through each chapter once I'm done...

 **NOWAKI POV**

 _Misaki..._ I sighed.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the hallway. I didn't want to interrupt their moment so I kept quiet at a distance. Usami-Sensei held Misaki-Kun while whispering things I couldn't quite hear into the boys ear. After awhile, Misaki attempted to break free of the tight grasp.

"Usagi-San... Let go now, please." Misaki whined.

With a sigh, Usami let go with unwilling arms. The man stared down at him before turned sideways and pointing to me.

"Oh... This is Nowaki-San. He's just going to check on you to make sure everything is okay."

I smiled with a nod at Misaki, but I was met with the look of pure hatred and hurt. He whipped his head back towards Usami. His face grew red and his fist clenched. He stuck his finger in the older males face and exploded into words.

"I told you I was fine! Do you not trust me at _all_!? I thought we've been together long enough to have absolute trust in each other?! I guess that only applies to me! I'm going to do my homework, _**DON'T**_ bother me!"

With a scoff, Misaki stomped away into another room that I presumed to be his bedroom. Tears were glossing over his eyes as he shuffled. The door slammed shut, with a single shout coming from behind it. I looked back at Usami, he looked surprised and hurt at the same time. His hands were clenched tightly into fist before he sighed, causing them to relax at his sides.

"...Usami-Sens-"

"-Is there something I'm doing wrong...?" He cut me off.

"He never lashes out at me like that. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Nowaki?"

I flicked my head towards the down stairs, motioning that it would be better to talk there. He understood what I meant and made his way down the stairs. Once on the bottom floor he collapsed backwards onto the maroon couch with a sigh.

Sitting on the opposite couch I began explaining. "Stress can make someone irritable, and from the looks of Misaki-Kun, he seems to be in tremendous amounts of stress. I can't answer the question you first wanted without asking him a few things first, but I recommend taking it easy on him for a while. I think you should go in there later and apologize too, just to make him feel a little bit better."

Usami nodded every few seconds, looking defeated. It seems Misaki's behavior was taking a toll on him as well.

"Well... Thanks, Nowaki. I'm sorry you couldn't do much, today probably wasn't the greatest idea."

I gave him a gentle smile as I rose to my feet. I started to gather my belongings scattered across the floor from earlier. "If you need any more help you know where to find me." I spoke up before walking out the door.

 **USAGI POV**

I watched Nowaki walk out the door with an face that expressed his pity for me. I spread out on the couch and closed my eyes. When they opened again they trailed over to the clock sitting next to the phone. It's been 10 minutes since Misaki's outburst, it was about time to apologize.

With a kick of my leg, I hoisted myself into a sitting position before rising on to my feet. I walked up the stairs silently and stood in front of Misaki's door. I raised my fist preparing to knock before I heard a sharp intake of breath come from behind the door. My heart clenched and my stomach dropped instantly knowing that my little Misaki was crying.

I opened the door slowly and was met with one of the saddest sights I've seen in a long time. Misaki was sitting at his desk. Both of his hands were cupping his mouth, trying to muffle the wrecked sobs that left him. His eyes were clenched shut, endless tears were pouring out of them. He shook his head from side to side as if telling himself that this wasn't okay.

Before my mind started to come to, I ran over to Misaki and grabbed him. Pulling him out of the chair and into my chest. He didn't complain or argue with me, if anything he cried louder as I held him. I rubbed soothing circles on his back and kissed the top of his head repeatedly. His arms wrapped around my torso tightly. I tangled my fingers into his chocolate colored hair before I felt an unfamiliar wetness travel down my cheeks. The tears slid down until they dropped off my chin and onto Misaki. He looked up at me with green eyes over flowing with tears.

He cried harder as his lithe fingers came up to face. His thumb wiped away the wetness that spilled from my eyes. I watched him closely as my frown started to quiver. He didn't speak but he mouthed words to me breathily.

 _Don't cry, Usagi-San._


	8. Chapter 8: Drugs

_**So yeah... 8th grade is very overwhelming. Is that a good excuse for being so inactive? Hahah**_

Misaki's eyes opened slowly, the pitch black room flooded his pupils with darkness. Misaki's head looked to his left and the bight red lights of the alarm clocked blinked 2:32 AM brightly. He sat up slowly and saw the door to the bedroom cracked open just slightly. His legs swung over the side of the bed with a _woosh_ and his socked feet met the floor gently. The wooden floors were clean and slippery from Misaki's ability to detect and clean any mess in no time. If you weren't being careful enough, anyone could easily slip.

Misaki started to walk to the door, powering through the extreme lethargic feeling coursing through him. As he opened the door only a small squeak came from its aging hinges. The door next to the bedroom was Akihiko's office. Misaki peeked into the office wondering if the man was working. As the Misaki's eyes adjust to the bright light inside the room, his sight was met with the man he was looking for. Akihiko was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. Misaki frowned, he didn't know if the man was distressed from the scene that occurred only hours before or if he was somehow pressured by his work. Misaki immediately knew that it was the first reason.

Misaki moved away from the door quickly but quietly and made his way towards the bathroom. He shut and locked the door with a almost inaudible click. Turning the lights on a low dim, he carefully pulled the scale from under the sink and set it down in front of him. Misaki stepped on it, not bothering to take off his clothes.

109 lbs the scale read, Misaki had lost 8 lbs already. The boy was slightly pleased with the fast change but not pleased enough. He slipped his hands underneath his night clothes. He caressed his ribs and soft tummy, most of the weight he had lost was taken from his legs.

Misaki turned towards the new mirror Akihiko had quickly installed. His legs no longer touched anywhere besides his knees. A small smile broke out on the teens face, a smile mixed with evil ideas yet pleasing results. He would do this once he woke up.

Misaki walked back to the bedroom quietly, making sure he didn't leave any traces of his waking behind. He opened the bedroom door slowly and slipped inside. When he turned around he saw Akihiko sitting in bed shirtless, face resting on hand.

"Where'd you go," Akihiko spoke with his liquid voice that had a slight groggy effect to it.

"Just the bathroom." Misaki replied as he slowly inched his way towards the bed. He lifted the grey sheets and slipped under them. His back was towards Akihiko's face, the man frowned slightly. His arms reached out and grabbed the boy gently. Akihiko pulled him to his chest and breathed in Misaki's scent of strawberries and a lingering sweetness deeply.

Akihiko felt Misaki tense for a second, then relax into his embrace. The man rubbed Misaki's thigh and hip sensually. He stopped abruptly for a second after a few rubs.

"What's wrong?" Misaki whispered.

"You just feel... different?" Akihiko said.

Akihiko felt Misaki tense once more and his heart sped up noticeably.

"Almost thinner."

"I-I'm just trying to be healthier, ya know?" Misaki tried to hide his nervousness but a stutter broke through. Akihiko didn't catch it and continued.

"Misaki, you're already very healthy, what more could you do?"

"I don't know... It's really late. You should get to sleep." Misaki wanted that conversation to end now.

Akihiko kissed Misaki on the nape of his neck. Misaki curled inwards with a small sigh, his fists clenched the soft sheets. Akihiko continued to lap Misaki's neck gently, small whimpers escaped the boy's lips.

"Usagi-San... Stop it."

Akihiko kissed him one last time before stopping without another word. The two fell asleep in each other's arms peacefully.

...

Misaki woke up sweaty, being underneath the covers and wrapped up in a large mans arms wasn't exactly cooling. He lifted the arm draped over his chest slowly, careful not to wake the older man. Once he had slipped out of bed he walked to his old room that held all his clothes and belongings.

Once inside, Misaki opened drawers and closets searching for an outfit he could look slightly presentable in. He didn't necessarily own any ugly clothes but putting things together weren't his strong suit. _(You don't say.)_

Misaki decided on a pair of tan khakis and his blue sweater vest with a white shirt under it. He walked down the stairs and grabbed his wallet off the counter swiftly. He stopped and eyed the kitchen as his stomach growled loudly. He shook his head softly and grabbed a piece of notebook paper. He wrote a note for Akihiko if he woke up before Misaki got back

 _Usagi-San,_

 _I'm running to the store to pick up some things. I'll be back soon._

 _~ Misaki T._

Misaki closed the door to the apartment gently so it wouldn't slam. He hopped on the elevator and pressed the L button. On the silent stroll down the elevator Misaki thought about what he was doing silently to himself. It was only a tool to speed up the process of dropping pounds. What harm could it do? Everyone has used pills at least once in their life.

...

Misaki roamed the aisles of the local drugstore back and forth. He finally decided on two brands. He shoved them into the green plastic basket he carried and made his way to the cash register. Setting them on the counter, Misaki didn't notice the strange yet concerned look the man checking out his items gave him. The man hesitantly scanned the bottle of diet pills and box of laxatives.

"Would you like these in a bag?" The man asked quietly.

"Yes, please." Misaki replied. "Have a nice day."

Walking out the automatic doors, MIsaki sped walked back to the apartment. He was awfully hungry and wanted to down these pills already.

...

Once inside, Misaki heard that the house was still quiet. He assumed Akihiko was still asleep. He took the drugs out o the plastic bag and carried them up the stairs. He decided he should put them in his sock drawer with the notebook he had moved. Piling a few pairs of the white cloth over them, he made sure the items were undetectable at first glance.

Misaki took out a pill before covering the bottle and looked at it carefully. He walked down the stairs for a glass of water to down it with. In mid swallow he was startled by a sudden voice.

"Misaki? What are you doing?"

Misaki choked on the water, he fortunately swallowed the pill already. He coughed a few times before answering.

"I had a headache, so I'm taking some medicine... Good morning."

Misaki was starting to be disgusted with how easy it was to lie now. A liar wasn't the type of person Misaki planned to be.

"Good morning..." AKihiko replied speculatively.


	9. Chapter 9: Broken

Major trigger warning.

Time was passing, pounds were disappearing, and sanity was draining.

At 104 lbs , Misaki lived his normal life.

 _Correction_ , Misaki thought. What I'm doing isn't living. It's... Not anything really.

Misaki sat in his regular seat at the back of Kamijou's class. With dull eyes, he watched his pencil tap rhythmically against the thick note book. Suddenly, his cold body started to shake uncontrollably. He bent down to the backpack settled between his feet and pulled out a jacket. He wrapped it around him snugly and sighed quietly. He slouched against the back of his seat and continued to shiver.

"You okay?" A random kid next to him asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just cold, sorry if I disturbed you." Misaki answered back, with an oddly sarcastic tone. The man turned back towards his desk with a nod.

Misaki couldn't concentrate, he felt anxious and jittery. In attempt to at least look like he was listening he glued his eyes to the front board for the rest of the class. Misaki jumped at the sudden appearance of the bell ringing. He gathered his books and papers and shoved them into his bag. He trotted down to the lunch room and sat at a random table.

Other students started to suffocate the room. The sounds of velcro ripping, plastic being crumpled, and containers being pried open filled the wide open space. Misaki's stomach growled angrily and pulsed in agonizing pain unlike any other. His body felt beyond nauseous and his heart beat pounded against his skull. Misaki curled in on himself, wrapping his arms around his body. He groaned quietly as he laid his head down in his hands.

Misaki's body said eat but the voice in his head told him otherwise. He finally jumped out of his seat and walked away to another room due to the sensory overload in his head. Misaki went to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirrors. The student rubbed his hands over his whole face roughly.

He walked into a stall and sat down on the toilet seat with a plop. He sighed and pulled out his phone, only 50 more minutes till he could go home. He turned it off and began to put it in his pocket. Not before he saw a glance of his face in the reflection of the screen. His face looked as malnourished as his body. He pulled out his diary and wrote in it heatedly.

I wish I could kill the part of myself that hates

me so much, but I think that's impossible,

Because it feels like that's all I've become.

If I wanted to kill my inner demons, I had to

Kill every part of me. I feel like a nothing, and

That's probably what I am to others as well,

Nothing. I'm full of hatred towards myself and

it's killing me slowly.

\- Misaki

...

"Welcome home," Akihiko greeted happily as Misaki walked through the door. He pulled him into a quick hug and pecked the top of his head with a kiss. Misaki grunted in slight pain as he was forcefully pulled into the man's arms.

Misaki gave his lover a small smile before plopping his body on the couch. He grabbed a thin blanket off of the arm and draped it over him. It felt like nothing to Misaki, so he stood up and reached for the blanket on the opposite couch. A wave of dizziness overcame him as he did so, he grabbed it quickly and laid back down, spreading both blankets on top of him.

Akihiko watched him warily from behind the kitchen counter. He went back to work on the smells coming from the pot of rice he was hovering over. When the simple food looked about done he shoved some in a bowl for himself and Misaki and set it on the table.

Without thinking, Misaki stood up and walked over to the kitchen table. He started eating before he even sat down properly. Akihiko sat down as well and watched him with wide eyes. They both skipped their usual prayer and dug in.

"Someone was hungry," Akihiko laughed.

Misaki's mind at the time didn't think about why the man even cooked for them and why he was shoveling it into his mouth uncontrollably. His mind did register the amount of laxatives he was shoving down his throat as he sat on the sink counter. He did what he feared he'd do, he binged. He binged like there was no tomorrow. He binged as he asked for seconds and eventually thirds.

The boy stepped on the glass scale, it read 107 lbs.

Sadness, disappointment, and disgust filled the boy to the brim. Gaining 3 pounds wouldn't mean much to a normal person, but to misaki it meant every thing. He was impatient as the laxatives didn't take away the pounds right this second. He practically swallowed his fingers as he shoved them into the back of his throat. He tried a second time to release his stomach of the putrid food he had consumed. A second attempt did the trick as he vomited into the sink. Tears were already pouring down his face.

Misaki moved around hysterically as he ripped open the new mirror cabinet above the sink. He grabbed the one blade razor sitting the top shelf and non-hesitantly slashed his left arm with it. Loud sobs escaped his throat and white noise filled his ears. The fluorescent lights above him made his head spin and pierced his sensitive eyes.

"Fuck, fuck, fucking, fuck! Fuck this! Fuck everything!"

Footsteps were pounding up the stairs and strong hands were already trying to rip open the locked door. Misaki just continued to slash and cut at his bloody limbs. On his legs, on his arms, deeply, shallowly, whatever.

The door was pried open and slammed into the wall. Akihiko grabbed Misaki from behind and pulled him tightly into his chest. The man grabbed the razor from Misaki's hand and threw it out into the hallway. He frantically tried stroking the boys hair and face to calm him down. He was afraid. This was not the Misaki that he knew so well, this was a mad man.

"MISAKI! STOP IT!" Akihiko had never screamed so loud in his entire life. He picked up Misaki bridal style before he ran down the stairs to the telephone. He had to let Misaki's feet touch the floor for he need a hand to pick the phone up with. He dialed 911 as fast as he could, it was hard to concentrate on anything with a screaming, bloodied Misaki in his grasp.

Time seemed to be going in slow motion for Misaki. His blood got on to the older man's shirt as he thrashed around violently in his embrace in means of escape. No sound was reaching his ears. He could see Akihiko shout into the phone before the distance call of an ambulance sounded quietly in the background. Everything in sight went white.


End file.
